It is blazingly hot. Sun shines onto the narrow curvy streets and piazzas, flickers on the red-tiled roofs of the small creamy, dusty pink and white houses nestled around the hills of a small Italian town. The wind from the seaside refreshes the faces of the people waiting near the municipio (Italian for 'municipality'). Talking to and greeting each other, town residents are full of excitement. A wedding ceremony is about to begin.
It is not quite a typical wedding, though. An international union is about to be made between an Italian deaf guy and a Russian deaf young woman. Two years after Roberto met Ekaterina in an international IFHOHYP (International Federation of HoH Young People) summer camp for hard of hearing and deaf young people in Valencia, Spain, he proposed to his Russian girlfriend.
The matrimonial ceremony was unveiled in the municipio hall by an Italian priest and was accompanied by Italian Sign Language interpretation. As Catholicism is prevalent in Italy, the wedding ceremony usually takes place in the municipio hall, and especially if one of the partners is not of Catholic faith or was married before. In case of Ekaterina and Roberto, they were not yet ready for the church ceremony (special church courses have to be attended, which are run only twice a year), given the Orthodox background of Ekaterina. You see, Italian weddings are a very fussy business.
Ekaterina, who has been a good friend of mine since our teenage years, was draped in a beautiful white dress sparkling with beads, all eyes admiringly riveted on her. Fifty pairs of eyes were fixed on the newlyweds as they exchanged the rings and vows of faithfulness, fifty pairs of hands clutched or pressed to mouths in joyous, touching anticipation. The atmosphere was of solemn and relaxed delight. In silence, parents and elderly guests watched the rite with the knowing look, and only the signing hands of the young groom's friends cut the air in a temperamental way of Italian self-expression. Both Ekaterina's and Roberto's mothers, tear-eyed, intently gazed at their grown-up children with love, pride and tenderness.
"Si", said Ekaterina. "Si", echoed Roberto.
As it goes in Italy, handfuls of rice were thrown on the couple while they exited the municipio gates (I untied and then threw in my own saccule of rice), and vivacious Italian and Russian exclamations followed: "Tanti Auguri! Tanti Auguri!", which translates into "Many congratulations to the newlyweds!"
How It All Started or Difficulties of Translation
Ekaterina worked as a technical editor in St.Petersburg at the time when she met Roberto, and around that time, was also a student of the St.Petersburg University of Print. Roberto was and continues to be a programming expert working for an Italian company. Did she expect that she would meet someone at the 2006 IFHOHYP youth summer camp who would change her life? Probably not. Despite her profound hearing loss, she was brought up as a hard-of-hearing person with reliance on speech. Later on, she learned how to communicate in sign language from her deaf Russian friends. Could it be that Roberto, who was brought up to communicate both orally and through sign, but in recent years communicated using sign language only, could become the perfect match for Ekaterina? No one thought that at first..
But the communication between Ekaterina and Roberto worked! Do you wonder how? Even though the main language of the IFHOHYP youth summer camps is English, it is sign language that helps many peers from different countries to break the ice!
(And remember that not all hard of hearing or deaf young people in Europe can speak English well - not everyone has access to learning English in mainstream or special schools). Ekaterina and Roberto did not have a good opportunity to become fluent in English, too.
Many signs in both the Italian and Russian sign language systems seemed similar, and being a witness of the developing crush between Roberto and Katya (Ekaterina's nickname) in Spain, I was amused when at the beach they seemed to understand each other much better than the hard of hearing guys who tried to communicate using spoken English but got tired and dazed because of each other's different accents and way of talking. Isn't that another bonus in favor of the idea of a strong bilingual education with both types of spoken and manual communication integrated in one?
From sandy beaches and sea to the snowy streets of St.Petersburg, Katya brought with her the zest for learning Italian. Having met her for a meal in a café a year ago, I noticed the piles of Italian books in her small handbag. "Yes," she said, "I'm learning Italian now so I can chat with Roberto through MSN Messenger and send him messages." Month after month, the two lovers visited each other in both Rome and St.Petersburg and were introduced to their families. In spring 2008 they was decided that it was the right time to tie the knot. This was a surprise even for Katya who excitedly announced the news to me: "You know what? Please don't fall off the chair - I am getting married!!" The new chapter in her life had just begun - and with it, the search for a new job (possibly technical editing or design/layout for Russian media organizations in Italy), establishing relationships with her new Italian family, getting used to Italian way of life, Italian customs, thepatterns of family relationships and moving in a new social circle. What are the Italian plans of Ekaterina in near future? "I have to go with the flow." Was there something unusual for her in her first days of life in Italy? "Nothing like that. The most unusual thing for me is starting to speak Italian", she responded. "There is nothing in Italian family structure that seems strange or odd to me. I was actually more impressed by the attitude to people with disabilities and to deaf people here. Everyone treats you respectfully, no one mocks you with contempt as sometimes still happens in Russia, and deaf people can attend museums and cultural places or events for free. Some benefits are also provided when they buy technical equipment."
It is not the first time that an international relationship between deaf or hard of hearing people transforms to marriage. Another very good friend of mine, a Russian deaf girl from Moscow, is happily married to a hard of hearing Italian guy and now expects a baby. They met at the European conference for hard of hearing people and their parents. A Russian acquaintance of mine met her destiny from Holland at - again! - a 2005 IFHOHYP summer camp in the Czech Republic. The deaf Czech-British couple , who I've written about in past articles, also got married after 8 years of international long-distance relationships. A Dutch-Lithuanian hard of hearing couple is bringing up their second child in Holland. And so on... A note to skeptics about the future of international long-distance relationships: here's proof that many of them do work!
Intercultural differences do play a role in how relationships develop and survive, and varying perceptions of what it is to be deaf or hard of hearing, influence relationships, too. For instance, sometimes tensions might arise between a hard-of-hearing husband who has his own ways of communication in public or at social events, and a wife who is "more deaf" and needs more assistance in communication. These can be and are overcome, with effort from both sides - as in any marriage.
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